Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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