We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
