An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
