I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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