I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize