mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I need water and some morals
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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