you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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