I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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