I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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