You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
