The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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