just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
