If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
its not stalking. its research.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
