The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So squirting runs in the family.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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