Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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