peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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