Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
