Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
