Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
