Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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