We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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