ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
