He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
