when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
