I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
