she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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