Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The best revenge is premature balding
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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