Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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