I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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