Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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