grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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