i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
