just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize