Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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