If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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