Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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