I bet he comes in French.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
