The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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