Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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