M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
