The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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