I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
