P.S. I can't hear my feet
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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