Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
