I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
