You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
