whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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