There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
