Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
