never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
