anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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