Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
