dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
BRING THE BAGELS
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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