When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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