I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
