Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
