I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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