I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Randomize
