I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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