do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
