Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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