careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
