You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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