You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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