if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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