I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
