Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
