it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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