I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My sheets look like a crime scene.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
