yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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