shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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