She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
