Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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