the new term for farting is butt boxing.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
