so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I can't put those talents on a resume
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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