You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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