i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
