Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
