He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
