they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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