I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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