And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize