His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
