I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
