is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
