now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
