bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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