She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
