You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
