I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
