i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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