Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize