My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
