I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
