So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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