I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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