I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
