would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Is it because I queefed?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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