My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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