hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
