People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
