Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
