I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
As shirtless as possible
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
