you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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